FUNNY STUFF

A QUESTION TO PONDER...

You are driving down the road in your car
on a wild, stormy night,
when you pass by a bus stop
and you see three people waiting for the bus:
 
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3 The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
 
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to,
knowing that there could only be
one passenger in your car?
 
Think before you continue reading.
 
This is a moral/ethical dilemma,
actually used as part of a job application.
 
You could pick up the old lady because
she is injured and will die, and thus
you should save her first.
Or you could take the old friend because
he once saved your life,and this
would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However,
you may neverbe able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants)
had no trouble coming up with his answer.
 
He simply answered:
"I would give the car keys to my old friend
and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus
with the partner of my dreams."
 
Sometimes we gain more
if we are able to give up our stubborn
thought limitations.
Never forget to "Think outside of the box."
 
HOWEVER......
 
An alternative answer is to run the old lady over
and put her out of her misery,
have sex with the perfect partner
on the hood of the car,
then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.
 
God, I just love happy endings....!

ZEN SARCASM
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
 

  FIVE SURGEONS
 
Five Surgeons from big cities are discussing
who makes the best patients to operate on.
 
The first surgeon, from New York , says,
'I like to see accountants on my operating table
 because when you open them up,
 everything inside is numbered.'
 
The second, from Chicago , responds,
'Yeah, but you should try electricians!
Everything inside them is color coded.'
 
The third surgeon, from Dallas , says,
'No, I really think Librarians are the best,
everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
 
The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in:
'You know, I like construction workers......
those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'
 
But the fifth surgeon, from Washington DC ,
shut them all up when he observed:
 
'You're all wrong.
 Politicians are the easiest to operate on.......
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, no spine,
and the head and the ass are interchangeable.'

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
 
1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE,
SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT.
PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.
 
2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES.
GET SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
 
3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT
  USE THE SINK.
 
4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS
SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES,
THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS.
REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
 
5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK
WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP
AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
 
6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH,TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES.
THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
 
7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFEWD-40 AND DUCT TAPE.
IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD,USE THE WD-40.
IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES,USE THE DUCT TAPE.
 
8. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER,
YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
 
DAILY THOUGHT:
 
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES.NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING
BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE
WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
 

 

 Arguing With Women!
There are two theories about arguing
with women,?@?##??
And niether one works !!